Chastity- a cherished virtue, forgotten in our day

In a world where one night stands, live-in relationships and casual sex is common talk, many do not even know the meaning of the word, chastity. Even if they do, its often looked down upon as an ancient concept and also frowned upon in many circles.

To remain chaste is to avoid all forms of sexual intimacy and the temptation towards such, outside the bonds of marriage. Chastity is the opposite of lust and lust is the opposite of love. To lust over someone is to see what we can get out of the other inorder to fulfill our own desires. But to love is to die to ones own selfish desires, for the well being of the other. To observe the virtue of chastity is to avoid looking at a person as a means to an end, instead to look at the other with love.

Why is fornication (sex outside marriage) considered a sin by the Church?

Sex outside marriage is considered a mortal sin and this is based on Jesus' own teachings where he says "I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Can you imagine that if lustful looks are considered adulterous for Jesus, how much more would lustful physical contact. Often people mistake this to think that the church is against sex. But it is the very opposite. It is because sex within marriage is so sacred that it unites two into one flesh which no man can divide. It is because the very act leads to the creation of life, which is the very act of God and not a gift to be taken lightly. It is because the act of fornication can lead to other evils such as contraception and abortions which are against the very purpose of the sexual act. And it is because lustful relationships degrades the dignity of the human person to a mere object of pleasure rather than something to be cherished for what he or she is.

How to stay away from wrong relationships?

Most often people look for someone to fill what is lacking within themselves. Loneliness and the feeling of being unloved are some of the major reason why people seek out intimacy. You cannot rely on another person to be your crutch and to complete you, because as humans we all fall short and laying so much expectations on another causes unhealthy and imbalanced relationships. The emptiness you feel inside can only be filled with the unconditional love of Christ who loves us for who we our, makes us whole and in turn teaches us to love others.

Another reason why people get into physical relationships, is because they feel that the other will not love them otherwise. However, do you want to be with someone who only likes you for what you do, instead of loving you for who you are. If they do not see that you are worth the wait, they are probably not worthy of you in the first place. Getting into a relationship which is based on lust is not only damaging for your soul but is also difficult to get out of. “Lust indulged became habit, and habit unresisted became necessity.” – St. Augustine. Chaste relationships are some of the healthiest relationships because it requires mutual understanding and respect for the each other.

How do you show love while dating?

Even for those who want to observe this virtue, it sometimes becomes difficult when in a relationship as they are not sure what they can do and what they can't. That's actually very simple, if what you do requires you to be in secret, behind closed doors, it is already causing you guilt and you know that what you are doing is wrong which is why you find the need to hide. As it is said " people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil". If what you are doing would be something you can easily do, considering your parents were present, or the Pope himself, you know you are pretty much on the right track.

Chastity within marriage

Observing chastity within marriage means, never letting the other feel used. It is to never let the other feel inadequate by resorting to pornography or any other form of physical or emotional infidelity. Intimacy within a marriage is to be a bonding experience for both partners. Observing chastity means to look at the other with love and to make the other feel cherished and never objectified. Marriage is to be total, free, faithful and fruitful.

To hard a teaching?

If you have already been in relationships that were based on lust, know that it is never too late to change your ways. The sacrament of confession opens many graces to help you start over. God doesn't accuse you, he encourages you not to sin again and to follow him on the path to holiness. Don't be afraid, to stand up for yourself, respect your body and also show love and respect to your partner.

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