My testimony: learning to trust God

Over two years back I left a comfortable job in search of something closer to home and I found a job in a pretty fancy Fashion eCommerce place and was pretty pleased. However from the very first day I realized things weren't going to go as per plan. Being a senior designer and having won awards for my work in my previous organization, I was confident in my skills, however, here I was constantly criticized by my senior and that came as a shock to me. Nothing I did seemed to be good enough and I found myself reworking on the same creative over and over again, which resulted in me working late on numerous occasions and it was getting to me.

Being someone who is not used to criticism, I would go home crying almost everyday and dreaded going to work in the morning. To top that I wasn't able to relate to anyone there as the culture and atmosphere of the place was very different to what I was used to. But my breaking point came just a month into the job when my senior basically told me to 'shape up or ship out'. I was crushed and told my fiance that I wanted to quit right away. However, we had a wedding coming up and I needed to have a source of income, so my fiance told me not to quit until I found a job. He also encouraged me to believe in myself. How could I though? When all the voices around me told me I was no good.

Unable to bring myself to go to work the next day, I went to the chapel instead and cried like a little kid who didn't want to go to school. There in the chapel was a sheet of paper with psalm 91 on it, telling me over and over again that God is my refuge and he will save me. After thirty minutes of sobbing, I got the strength to get on with my day, begging God to come along with me. To my surprise, the day was extremely calm. So, I went to the chapel the next day and the day after and just kept returning to this place of refuge. Things seemed to be improving, the storm inside as well as the one outside seemed to be settling. There was a verse I would read before leaving to work every day Isaiah 41 "For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Do not fear, I will help you." I began to believe in myself again, not because of my own capabilities but because I believed that God was with me. I believed that God was teaching me something, though I was not sure what it was at that time.

I began to work harder than every before, took more initiative and finally decided to prove myself. Guess what! Not only did I keep the job, I got promoted within a year and was given a team under me. I no longer had anyone telling me what to do but was the one making the decisions. I credit it all to my Lord who held my hand and assured me that he was with me. I also started making friends and interestingly enough, I found many people here who had questions about God. Their questions encouraged me to begin writing this blog. My faith was challenged but it also grew tremendously during these two years.

However, the good times didn't last very long as there was yet another hiccup. The company was hit with a financial crunch and our salaries were getting delayed, first by twenty days, then by a month, then two and sometimes even three months. People began leaving in a panic, but for some strange reason I lingered on. Although there were times when I got really frustrated, the situation pushed me to use my time acquiring new skills and improve myself. Whenever, I would grow restless, I reminded myself of how God got me through before and felt assured he would do it again in his time. And sure enough, he did!

I left that company, went on a well deserved vacation and soon enough, I am about to embark on a new journey. I am grateful for this experience because it taught me to be patient in the midst of panic, to draw strength from God in times of weakness and to show love to those who hurt me. The reason I share my story is because I know, someone might me in a similar situation, feeling alone and helpless, but you are not alone! Jesus too cried out to his Father in the garden of Gethsemane when he was in despair and his Father gave him the strength to carry his cross. Instead of running away from your problem, embrace it like Jesus embraced his cross. Only God can turn a bad situation in your favour. Remember the Gospels don't end with the cross but with the resurrection!