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If God were to give us marriage advice!

After the creation of the world, the second most important gift God gave humankind was marriage. It was the one covenant that stood the test of time through the Bible and Jesus uplifted it even higher making it a sacrament. While the world is busy diluting the value of marriage, its worth understanding what the Bible has to say about it.

Love God first and he will teach you to love your spouse better...
If you think you need someone to complete you and take away your feeling of being unloved, marriage isn't your answer. Human love is imperfect and if you place such high expectations on the shoulders of your partner, you are eventually going to be disappointed. It is God's love that heals wounds of the past and gives a sense of completion. We look at Adam in the garden, surrounded by the beauty of creation, he felt the love of God and was complete in himself, yet God sees that he needed a 'helper', an Old Testament term used to describe one who gives support or strength and who enables one to fulfill their destiny.

Together for a purpose...
A marriage brings to the surface, the best and the worst in a person and forces you to work on your shortcomings and reach a higher state of holiness. We are all called to be holy, whether married or unmarried, however in a marriage you have someone to help you get there. What better place than a marriage, to teach you virtues of patience, kindness, gentleness and understanding. Another divine gift that God gave to humanity through marriage was to be co-creators. God created mankind out of the outpouring of his love and he gives man and wife the ability to do the same. The couple is called, not just to bring a human being into the world but to raise him/her up to be holy saints.


Characteristics of a good partner...
Proverbs 31 has some beautiful insights on how to identify a good wife. It describes her as one who earns honour and praise not for her beauty but for her intellect and skill. A hard working woman who is wise in dealing with money, she has a charitable attitude with the poor and her biggest asset is her love for God. Being a patriarchal society at the time, we wouldn't expect to find much on a good husband, but Jesus makes a remarkable sentence which is ground breaking even for today's so called modern world. He says a man should leave his mother and father and cling to his wife and the two will become one flesh. In India especially, it is not uncommon for men to continue clinging to their parents, emotionally, even after marriage. While in no way does Jesus suggest that we do not have a duty towards our parents, we are called to value our spouse as much as we value our own selves.

Giving oneself to each other without any restrain...
The Song of Songs is a biblical book that celebrates the intimacy in a marriage like none other. If you are struggling in this department, it would be a must read. The book tells of an intimate conversation between two lovers, longing to celebrate mutual and unrestrained love. They are intoxicated by each other "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine," (Song of Songs 1:2). They shower each other with compliments and don't hold back from expressing their desire for each other. However, it is important to note that there is always an emphasis on the feelings being mutual. St Paul will also drive in this point in 1 Corinthians where he advises couples not to deprive each other of conjugal rights except by mutual agreement for a set time.

Being subject to one another...
Most marital fights take place because of a struggle for power as one partner wants to
dominate the other. However, St Paul in the letter to the Ephesians suggest the opposite, he says that both must be subject to one another. He compares the relationship between a husband and wife to that of Christ and the church. He calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, giving his own life for her good. He also asks wives to respond to their husbands as the church must respond to Christ, giving her whole self to her husband.

Fight right...
Its not uncommon to bring up your spouses past mistakes in order to win an argument. However, as Christians we are called to forgive others as God forgives us. Furthermore, Ephesians 4:26 tells us "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil." We know that the more you keep resentment bottled up in your heart the more likely it is to pop one day like a champagne bottle. Its better to talk it out with your spouse before the end of the day, so that you wake up and give the relationship a fresh start the next day.

Often we forget to involve God and his teaching in our married life, even though he is the one who brought us together and gives us the grace to stay together. However, if you feel your marriage has run dry and you need God to renew the wine like he did in the wedding at Cana then you got to invite him to be part of your marriage in the first place.
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