Sharing in the agony of Jesus

We have all heard about the 'agony in the garden' but have you been there? As I meditated on Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, I received strength in my weakest moment and that is something I would like to share with you.

Since I was struggling in my own life, I could imagine how heavy Jesus' heart was that night. How could he find the strength to take upon himself, sin, he who never knew sin? It would be like having to suffer, for someone else's mistakes, or being blamed for something you never did. So often we feel our suffering is undeserved just like Jesus, yet he took it upon himself so that the undeserving didn't have to suffer. It reminded me of the time when I was very ill in hospital and I heard my mom praying that she suffer and die, instead of me. That must have been how Jesus felt, when he seen how much we would have to suffer as a result of sin.

The worst part about suffering is the temptations and discouragements. This hour was probably the worst hour for Jesus, because this was the 'hour of darkness' according to Luke22:53. This was Satan's last try to discourage Jesus from taking his cross. He tried it before by offering temptations while Jesus fasted in the dessert, then again Peter tries to stop him from taking up the cross and Jesus rebukes him saying "Get behind me Satan!" Now finally with fear and suffering Satan hopes Jesus will turn away from the cross. No one wants to suffer and often it leads us to question God, doubt his ways, sometimes suffering becomes a deal breaker and many people turn away from God. In the Book of Job, we see how Satan wanted to challenge the righteous man, Job with extreme pain so that he may curse God but he endured all of it and God restored all things to him.

The Bible says Jesus was grieved to the point of death, so much so that his sweat became like drops of blood, a condition scientifically called as 'Hematidrosis'. He could have died in his fear, had God not sent an angel to save him. Sometimes, we pray and cry our heart out, yet God doesn't seem to take away our problems and we feel abandoned by God. But why is it that God does not take the problem away? Had he taken away the cross from Jesus, we would never have any escape from sin and death, there would be no resurrection. God is completely capable of taking away the cross from our lives but he is also capable of using our crosses for his glory if we allow him to.

Jesus interrupted his prayer twice to go and check on his closest friends who he brought along with him. He insisted that they stay awake and pray. He wasn't telling them to pray for him but for themselves. He wanted them to be alert, and be filled with grace so that when trials come they do not crumble. What an important lesson this is for us! Just because they were his disciples, didn't give them a ticket out of trials, however, because of faith, they also had access to Grace by means of which they would be able to withstand suffering. We who believe, also have access to Grace, this we get from prayers, which are often ignored until the storm hits us. We see that in Peter, who didn't pay heed to Jesus' instructions and when faced with trials he denied Christ. Without grace we are like sand, easily scattered by the wind.

As I hear Jesus asking his disciples "Could you not stay awake with me one more hour", I can sense how lonely he felt in his most darkest hour. My burden doesn't seem too heavy anymore as I am sharing in his agony and he has taken upon himself a much heavier burden. As I meditated on Jesus praying to his Father, I would recollect the many times I too begged God to take away a problem from my life, However, unlike Jesus, I never completed my prayer saying "not my will but yours be done". Even though it may seem difficult to understand, we must trust our heavenly Father. If he could transform a symbol of suffering and shame into a symbol of hope and glory for his Son, he can do the same in our lives as well.

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